Dating can feel like a labyrinth of emotions, especially when mental health issues are involved. For me, this has been a recurring theme in relationships. Each partnership, heartbreak, and lesson has brought me closer to understanding love, boundaries, and self-awareness. Through these experiences, I've learned profound truths about what healthy love truly looks like—and the importance of self-love along the way.

Over the years, four men have proposed to me. While it might sound flattering, I’ve never regretted saying no. Deep down, I wasn’t ready for marriage—at least, not until I recently separated from the father of my baby girl. That event sparked something within me. I realized I was ready for a sacred union, but only with the right person at the right time.

My connection with him was profound. We shared visions, dreams, and even a deep soul connection, not to mention our mutual attraction and shared beliefs. Together, we created a beautiful new soul. However, our relationship also triggered past traumas, and the weight of responsibilities caused us to drift apart. One of those pressures was the issue of marriage itself. As a Canadian, navigating the immigration process with my American partner was a time-sensitive and stressful matter that weighed heavily on us both.

The Heartbreaking Path to Self-Discovery

As Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Hearts break so that we may learn to keep them open. I’ve come to understand that true love is not just about passion but also about kindness, patience, and facing life’s ups and downs together. But sometimes, even the deepest connections aren’t enough if they aren’t built on healthy foundations.

A sacred union for me means being loved, respected, and treated with care—this includes my children. Healthy love isn’t just about compatibility; it’s about setting the right example for our kids and showing them what real, nourishing love looks like.

What Healthy Love Looks Like

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and support, where both partners are whole on their own but choose to share their lives. “Blue Zone” relationships, found in regions where people live the longest, are often marked by a shared commitment to listening, forgiving, and giving each other space to grow. It’s about choosing love every day, even when it’s tough. This kind of love takes effort, communication, and resilience.

Being Single: A Path to Strength

Sometimes, staying single or choosing single parenthood is the healthiest option, especially if the relationship isn’t supportive. Teal Swan once remarked that single parenting is “half a family,” but I disagree. Sometimes, it’s better to raise children in a loving, stable environment on your own than in an unhealthy or toxic partnership.

As a single mom, I’ve learned to balance homeschooling, running a business, writing, and taking care of the home. While overwhelming at times, I’ve found moments of joy and peace with my children. Independence has also taught me the importance of asking for help when needed. Strong women throughout history, including many goddess archetypes, remind us that it’s okay to lean on others and still be empowered.

Embracing Single Motherhood

I never planned to raise two children from two different fathers on my own. In my early 20s, I was told I couldn’t have children, which shattered my dream. However, two years after getting sober and returning from South America, I miraculously conceived my first child with someone I had known my entire life. Despite the grief and loneliness of knowing he didn’t want to be involved, I embraced pregnancy with joy, and I’ve always found blessing in being Fynn’s mom and only parent.

Several years later, I found myself in another partnership that started as a business collaboration. However, when my partner proposed, I couldn’t reciprocate, and that relationship ended. I traveled, embraced self-discovery, and soon met someone new—Steven. Quickly, I found out I was pregnant with our baby girl.

With new love came new challenges, and once again, I found myself facing the weight of responsibilities, financial pressures, and mental health struggles. Yet, through every struggle, I’ve come to appreciate the divine lessons hidden in the pain. Each relationship has taught me the importance of growth, setting boundaries, and knowing what truly matters.

Lessons in Boundaries and Mental Health

Maintaining healthy boundaries and mental well-being in relationships is crucial. Here are some tips I’ve learned along the way:

• Communicate Clearly: Open and honest communication about your needs and boundaries is essential for both partners.
• Seek Professional Help: Therapy can be a transformative tool, whether together or individually, to work through challenges.
• Prioritize Self-Care: Taking care of your own mental and physical health allows you to show up fully in your relationship.
• Set Limits: It's okay to say no and protect your own energy when needed.
• Educate Yourself: Understanding mental health conditions can provide empathy and support in a relationship.

When It’s Time to Go It Alone

Here are examples for each of these signs to help readers recognize when it might be healthiest to walk away from a relationship:

1. Constant Emotional Drain: If every conversation with your partner leaves you feeling exhausted, anxious, or on edge, it’s a sign the relationship may be emotionally draining. You might find yourself walking on eggshells, constantly trying to avoid conflict or criticism. This kind of emotional exhaustion can take a toll on your mental health, leaving you with little energy for your children or yourself.

Resolution Tip: Evaluate how often you feel depleted after interactions. Consider whether there is any way to re-establish emotional balance, like open communication or couples therapy. If the emotional drain persists despite efforts, it may be a sign that leaving is healthier.

2. Disrespect for Your Boundaries: If you’ve set clear boundaries—whether it’s needing alone time, limiting certain behaviors around your children, or respecting your personal space—and your partner consistently ignores or disrespects them, it can erode trust and well-being. For example, if your partner continues to raise their voice in front of your kids after you've asked them not to, it shows a lack of respect for your parenting boundaries.

Resolution Tip: Have a serious conversation about the importance of these boundaries. If your partner is unwilling to respect them, it’s crucial to consider how this impacts your mental health and parenting. Repeated boundary violations can be a red flag that it’s time to move on.

3. A Toxic Environment Affecting Your Well-being: If your home feels like a battlefield with constant negativity, criticism, or hostility, it creates a toxic environment. This might manifest in frequent arguments, passive-aggressive behavior, or even emotional manipulation. Such an environment doesn’t just affect you—it can impact your children, who may begin to mirror these negative behaviors or develop anxiety.

Resolution Tip: Reflect on how the environment is affecting both you and your children. If there’s no willingness to improve the atmosphere through communication or therapy, it may be healthier to create a new, more peaceful environment by leaving.

4. Unwillingness to Seek Help or Work on Issues: If there are recurring problems in your relationship—whether it’s communication breakdowns, unresolved trauma, or addiction issues—and your partner refuses to seek help, it may be a sign that they are not committed to making the relationship healthier. For instance, if you suggest counseling or a support group and they flatly refuse or dismiss the idea, it shows a lack of accountability and effort toward growth.

Resolution Tip: Offer potential solutions such as couples therapy or a support system, and observe their response. If your partner remains unwilling to acknowledge or work on the problems, it can be a sign that the relationship is stagnant, and leaving may be the only way to protect your well-being and that of your children.

Empowering Tips for Single Moms

If you're navigating single motherhood, here are some ways to find strength:

1. Build a Support Network: Single motherhood can often feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Surrounding yourself with a strong support network is crucial for both emotional and practical help. Your network can consist of family members, close friends, other single moms, or even online support groups. These connections offer a safe space to share experiences, receive advice, and gain perspective.

Practical Example: You might connect with other parents that homeschool to build a support system. Forming these bonds allows you to exchange parenting tips, carpooling duties, or even offer emotional support during tough times. Sometimes, simply having someone to listen or provide a fresh perspective can make all the difference.

Actionable Tip: Make time to nurture your friendships and invest in building new relationships with like-minded individuals who can provide understanding and companionship on your journey. Be open about your needs with friends and family, and don’t shy away from asking for their support when you need it.

2. Stay Organized: Juggling multiple responsibilities—whether it’s parenting, work, and home management—requires organization. A good schedule helps reduce stress, ensures you stay on top of tasks, and creates a sense of stability for both you and your children. A structured routine can also free up time for self-care, hobbies, or even relaxation.

Practical Example: Use a planner, digital calendar, or apps like Google Calendar to keep track of important events, deadlines, and daily tasks. Block out specific times for work, household duties, and quality time with your kids. You could also establish routines for your children, like morning and bedtime rituals, to create consistency and ease daily transitions.

Actionable Tip: Break larger tasks into smaller, manageable pieces, and don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to do everything at once. Prioritize what’s important each day, and be flexible if things don’t go exactly as planned—adaptability is key when managing the chaos of single parenthood.

3. Prioritize Your Well-being: It’s easy to put yourself last when you’re raising children on your own, but self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. When you prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, you become a more effective, present parent. Neglecting self-care can lead to burnout, and when you’re running on empty, it’s hard to give your best to your kids.

Practical Example: Carve out time for activities that nurture your well-being, whether it’s a quick workout, a walk in nature, journaling, or meditating. This could also include prioritizing a healthy diet and getting enough sleep. If your child naps or attends school, use that time for yourself instead of only tackling chores—this could be your window to read, stretch, or unwind.

Actionable Tip: Schedule "me time" into your calendar just as you would for important appointments. This could be as simple as a 10-minute meditation every morning or a weekly hobby class. Small moments of self-care add up, replenishing your energy and focus. Remember, prioritizing yourself benefits both you and your children in the long run.

4. Ask for Help: Many single moms feel the pressure to be “supermom,” handling everything on their own. However, asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it's an act of strength and self-awareness. Whether it’s asking a family member to babysit, seeking professional advice, or reaching out to friends for emotional support, knowing when to ask for help can prevent burnout and reduce stress.

Practical Example: You could ask a trusted friend to pick up your child for a playdate when you’re tied up with work, or delegate household tasks to your children (appropriate to their age) to ease the burden on yourself. If you're struggling emotionally or financially, don't hesitate to contact a therapist, counselor, or local resources available to single parents. This might include food banks, childcare assistance, or therapy services.

Actionable Tip: Make a list of people or services you can reach out to when you need help. This might include family members, friends, community programs, or even professional services like house cleaning or meal delivery. Knowing that you have a "go-to" list can relieve the pressure of feeling like you need to do it all.

Resources for Further Reading:

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
• Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
• Teal Swan’s teachings on relationships and single parenting

Affirmations for Healing and Growth:

• “I am deserving of love and respect.”
• “I create a healthy and nurturing environment for myself and my children.”
• “I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and the person I’m becoming.”
• “I attract positive and supportive people into my life.”
• "I am enough just as I am, and I trust in my journey."
• "I release the past and embrace the present with an open heart."
• "I am a loving and capable parent, and I trust my instincts."
• "I am worthy of peace, happiness, and unconditional love."
• "I trust the process of life and am open to new beginnings."
• "I forgive myself for any mistakes, and I choose to move forward with grace."
• "I attract abundance and joy into my life and the lives of my children."
• "I am strong, resilient, and capable of overcoming any challenge."

Embrace Growth and Gratitude

Broken hearts, while painful, hold within them the seeds of transformation. They teach us how to grow, how to rebuild, and how to stay open to love. As single moms, the way we navigate challenges becomes a living example for our children. They learn resilience, healing, and the power of self-love through the strength we demonstrate in difficult moments. Whether you are currently in a relationship, finding your way out of a toxic environment, or embracing single parenthood, remember that your strength is a gift to both you and your children.

Embrace the lessons life brings, honor your boundaries, and always choose love—especially self-love. You are worthy of a life filled with joy, peace, and fulfillment. By building a supportive network, staying organized, prioritizing self-care, and asking for help when needed, you not only strengthen yourself but also create a loving, positive environment for your children. You’re on an incredible journey of growth, and every step forward is a step toward a brighter, more empowered future.

You are doing an amazing job, and your well-being matters just as much as the care you give to your children. Trust in yourself, embrace the process, and know that you’re deserving of all the love and happiness that life has to offer.